What Were They Thinking As They Murdered My Dad?

It’s a question I’ve often quietly asked.

On September 24th 2021, a young advanced paramedic injected my dad with a big shot of something. Then told me she hadn’t. She told me she hadn’t had time to give him anything, that he died before she had the chance.

My dad, who was recovering from a stroke but who was well otherwise, died about 30 minutes after the injection.

On the ambulance report, which I requested and received several weeks later, one of the three paramedics in attendance wasn’t even listed as being present that day. When I asked why, I was told it was a computer error and they sent a new report. This new report listed six paramedics as being at my dad’s house that day. Only three were actually there - a silent one, a mouthy one and a lying one.

I was halfway up the motorway when I got the news that my dad had “gone”. (That’s the word my eldest daughter used when she called me. “Grandad’s gone,” she said.)

I wasn’t expecting him to go. I’d packed enough clothes for a few days’ stay. I’d seen him six days previously when I sprang a surprise visit on him and stayed the night. I stayed with him regularly and his little face was always a picture of pure joy when he’d see me appear in the morning. I’d spoken to him on the phone the evening of September 23rd and he said he was fed up, so I said I’d come and cheer him up. That wasn’t to be.

The ambulance had been called as his breathing had changed slightly and his career was worried. I wasn’t as worried. I reckoned he might have had a toast crumb stuck in his throat (he had a habit of eating very quickly) and that once his airways had been checked, he’d be fine. I guessed the worst case scenario would be him needing some oxygen…

As soon as I’d told the mouthy paramedic on the phone not to give my dad Midazolam and not to give him morphine (also known as EOL ‘end of life’ or ‘anticipatory’ drugs) - and that having just made a film on the recent treatment of the elderly by the NHS, I was well aware of current protocols, especially with regards to frailty scores and ‘care’ pathways - he had it in for me.

I was already in the car, about to set out, when I had that phone conversation with the mouthy paramedic. He was a right know-it-all. I asked him to kindly tell my dad I was on my way. My dad’s carer told me later that the paramedic did no such thing. (She also told me the mouthy paramedic was probably in his 20s and was acting “like he was the king.” She’d taken an instant dislike to him.)

What the mouthy paramedic DID do, according to my dad’s carer, was laugh and joke about me when he came off the phone. His actual words were - again, according to my dad’s carer - “if she hadn’t been the daughter, I’d have told her to f*** off.” I found that hard to believe but the carer swore on her own life that that’s what he said. He then called the local surgery. My dad’s GP wasn’t there so the paramedic spoke to a GP who’d only met my dad once. He, according to the ambulance report, told the paramedic that my dad had terminal cancer, that he was at “end of life” and that he was receiving palliative care. None of this was true. Perhaps he’d got my dad mixed up with another patient.

My dad was 78 and had already had three stays in hospital in the previous 12 months. Nobody wanted him to go back into hospital. But nobody wanted him to die either.

Unbeknown to me at the time, the paramedics collected end of life drugs (Midazolam, morphine and Haliperidol) - as prescribed by the misinformed GP - but later told me they didn’t use them. As I’ve already mentioned (but want to emphasise), the lying paramedic - an angel-faced girl of 21 - told me on the phone minutes after my dad’s horrendous and undignified passing that they’d not administered any medication at all.

My dad’s carer told me, however, that before she was sent out of the room, the mouthy paramedic asked my two stepsisters (who’d turned up to visit my dad that morning) whether there was a DNR in place. The stepsisters said there was. There wasn’t. In fact, I’d made sure there wasn’t and also made sure that this information was very prominent on my dad’s medical records. I have emails discussing this with my dad’s GP to price it. The mouthy paramedic then told the stepsisters that I’d claimed to have power of attorney for my dad’s health and welfare but that he didn’t believe me. The stepsisters said they didn’t believe me either. I had power of attorney and have all the paperwork to prove it.

The mouthy paramedic then declared he was going to ignore my requests and that he was going to make a ‘best interests’ decision on my dad’s behalf. In his opinion, it seemed, it was in my dad’s best interests to be dead. That’s when they sent everyone out of the room and executed him.

(The carer later told me she’d overheard the two paramedics discussing whether to give my dad 2.5mgs or 5mgs of Midazolam. Whether they administered it or not, I’ll never know, although a syringe packet was found in the bin later that day. I still have it.)

Had I got there in time, I’d have refused to leave the room. Had I left my house earlier, or lived closer or gone to see him the night before, things would have been different. He might even still be alive. He was fed up but he wasn’t ready to die.

It was the day of the fuel shortage and many petrol stations were closed. I’d pulled in to a service station to call back my daughter and to speak to the paramedics. One of my stepsisters was screaming abuse at me in the background when I spoke to the lying paramedic. I can’t remember what she was saying: all I remember is I was worried she was doing it in front of my dad and that it might upset him, even though he was dead.

I had half a tank of petrol and had to decide whether to continue to my dad’s and risk not being able to get back or turn around and go home. There was nothing I could do. My dad was gone. On the LAS report, whoever completed it had written that I hadn’t turned up because I “didn’t want to see a dead body”. I never said or implied that. What they wrote was pure presumption.

A few weeks after the funeral, I spoke to the police. I told them the full story. They seemed to take it seriously. Eight months later, in July 2022, they closed the case, citing ‘no further avenues of investigation’. At this point, as far as I could tell, there had been very little investigation.

A few days after my dad passed, I spoke to his GP. She was shocked. I asked her why he’d died. She said she didn’t know but that she hadn’t been expecting him to die so soon and so suddenly. She was as mystified as I still am and said that the other GP had acted very badly. I recorded our conversation. I still have the recording. She was genuinely upset - she liked my dad - and audibly shocked.

The police told me they’d spoken to the stepsisters, who said the paramedics did a fine job. The police didn’t speak to my dad’s GP, nor to the GP who prescribed end of life drugs for my dad. The police didn’t interview the paramedics. I told the police everything my dad’s carer had told me. (She was too traumatised to give a statement.) They told me that was just hearsay and that even if she HAD given a statement, it would mean nothing as she wasn’t actually in the room when my dad died. Whatever I said would also count for nothing apparently as I wasn’t there. How does that make sense?

I wasn’t happy. The police sent me a complaints form by email. I had a dream about my dad telling me to “leave it” and, so far, that’s what I’ve done.

The photo above is of my dad after I took him out of the care home. We went to the seaside. He loved the sea. Made him happy. I scattered his ashes there.

Oh, and by the way, the report from the London Ambulance Service showed that my dad HAD been injected - with glycopyrronium bromide, a drug he’d never had before. It was administered by the young lying paramedic and, in my opinion, caused a fatal reaction.

I went to the police. After much to-ing and fro-ing over an eight month period, they closed the case. They said everything was above board and no crime had been committed. At the time, I didn’t have the energy to argue.

After setting up a support group and producing two documentaries about involuntary euthanasia and medical democide, I know many other people in similar situations who’ve been going around in circles trying to get justice for loved ones who were victims of medical negligence and malpractice. It has caused terrible stress and swallowed up years of their lives.

Fighting won’t get my dad back. And it probably won’t stop the same sort of fate to befall others. But I still feel compelled to tell his story.

My dad was a big fan of telling the truth. So that’s what I’ve done. Told the truth and told his story how he’d have wanted me to.

Since his untimely death, many questions have been answered. But one remains: what were those paramedics thinking as they executed my dad? Did they think they were doing a good thing? A mercy killing? Did they believe they were putting him out of a misery only they could see, a misery that didn’t exist for him? Did they understand the true horror of their actions, the huge sin they were committing?

My guess is this: they didn’t think. And that’s the most frightening thing of all.

(RIP John Deevoy 22.6.43 - 24.9.21.)